I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today
by completewithtypos
Summary: Clarisse had just turned him down, what does Joseph do?


_I don't feel like loving you today_

_So don't you even try to change my mind_

_The best thing you can do right now is just go away_

_'Cause I don't feel like loving you today_

Joseph awoke from a fitful sleep, and glanced at the clock. Sighing heavily, he rolled over. It had only been forty-five minutes since the last time he'd woken up. He tightly shut his eyes, willing sleep to come back, and take awake the images in his mind. He'd thought that everything would go perfectly; he would propose, she'd accept, and they'd live happily ever after. But somewhere, it all went wrong.

Finally resolving himself to the fact that sleep was not going to come, he got up, with only a slight complaint from his back, and put on the robe that lay across the foot of the bed. Finding his slippers in the dark proved to be a little more difficult, but once accomplished, he moved noiselessly through the rooms to the outer door of his suite. He stepped out of his room, just as she reached her door, a few yards down the hall. She looked up sharply, nearly dropping the mug she was carrying. She opened her mouth to speak, but he turned from her and started off down the hall, pretending he hadn't heard her disappointed sigh.

_I don't want to talk about last night_

_I'm angry and I haven't had much sleep_

_I'm so tired and bloodshot there ain't no telling what I'd say_

_I don't feel like loving you today_

Joseph arrived in the security room early even for him that morning. Shades gave him a questioning glance, curious about his friend's exhausted face, and less than friendly attitude. Joe ignored him, and sat in the corner, with a single piece of paper in front of him. Shades watched the monitors, careful not to do anything that would upset Joe. He noticed that the Queen looked less than perfect this morning as well.

At length, Joseph finished what he had been writing and mentally prepared himself. He would have to face her. At least for a few minutes. Then it would all be over. Getting up, he left the room. Shades watched on the monitors as he walked slowly towards the Queen's office.

"Good morning, Joseph," she said, tentatively when he entered her office. He nodded to her, avoiding eye contact, knowing that he could never go through with it if he were to look at her.

"I'll be leaving the day after Mia's coronation," he said, in a flat tone, placing the sheet of paper in front of her on the large desk.

"Joseph…" she began, but he cut her off. He couldn't talk about it. It would only make it worse.

"Your Majesty," he said, bowing slightly, then turning on his heel and swiftly leaving the room.

_But you know I will anyway_

_Even though we make it hard sometimes_

_I'll wind up forgiving you, _

_And probably loving you_

_For the rest of my life_

After leaving her office, he decided to go for a walk around the gardens. Wandering amongst the hedges, he knew that he was only trying to fool himself. He could never leave her. He knew it. She knew it. Why couldn't they just admit that to each other? The ache in his heart was making him feel physically sick. He'd really done it, though. He had handed her his letter of resignation. And he's promised her once that he'd never leave her. Joseph wondered if she remembered that, secretly hoping that she didn't. He'd never broken a promise.

_But I don't feel like loving you today_

_And I've got sixteen hours left to go_

_I might tell you that I'm leaving even though you know I'll stay_

_Cause I don't feel like loving you today_

Back inside, he stopped in to tell Shades that he wasn't feeling well and was going to go back to bed. Once in his room, he began to slow and tedious task of packing his belongings. After only a few minutes, he gave it up, sitting down on the bed, his head in his hands. Who was he kidding, he had no where to go, his whole life was here; probably at this moment in her office, trying her hardest to concentrate on the never-ending stream of paperwork.

_But you know I will anyway_

_Even though we make it hard sometimes_

_I'll wind up forgiving you _

_And probably loving you_

_For the rest of my life_

Laying back on the bed, he closed his eyes and sighed, just a little angry at himself for being so weak. Tomorrow was Mia's wedding. The morning would be chaotic, trying to organize all the last minute details. Afterward though, he would find her, apologize, and ask her to forget about that letter of resignation. But not today.

_But I don't feel like loving you today_

_I just don't feel like love you today_

_A/N: A semi-happy ending. I mean, we all know what happens next, so I guess it is a happy ending. The song belongs to Gretchen Wilson, and when I heard it, I just had to write a story. it absolutely screamed "Joseph!" Please review- Lizz_


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